5th grade sex ed more like
i feel like i’d enjoy being an assassin if it didn’t involve killing people
what if instead of killing people you got hired to just ruin their day. like the mafia or someone paid you to park behind someone’s car so they can’t back out of a spot when they’re in a rush in the morning and you make them late for work.
i would enjoy that immensely
there is a long list of people that i would gladly do that to without payment
phone calls are the most terrifying thing in the world
my heart says yes but my bank balance says no
Fudge recipe on a headstone
I feel like I should make this just to be able to say a dead person taught me how to make it. Maybe I’ll do it for Halloween.
I desperately hope that she spent her entire life telling people that they could have her fudge recipe “over my dead body.”
That last comment is absolutely worth reblogging.
WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT
YOU COULD BE A FUCKING BADASS DRAGON THAT’S THE POINT
"I AM A CREATURE OF DARKNESS" "oh hey sabrina."
I guess the point is that you could shapeshift into the body you always thought you’d grow into when you were a kid
taller, shorter, slimmer, more muscular, purple hair, tattoos everywhere, tattoos nowhere,
every single shoe would fit you every single time you tried it on, every single article of clothing would fit your perfectly, all you have to do is transform slightly, you’d never run out of ‘your size’ again
and you wouldn’t have to work for it at all, and you’d never be limitted by your bone structure or something. You could just transform at will.
I don’t see how this is much of a downside
When you turn into a sixty story tentacle demon and terrorize a city you want to get the credit you deserve
Oh man that would be so sweet. I could be an annoying fuck as an insect or something but you couldn’t kill me because everyone would know
That’s great but have you considered
~stretching to reach stuff and shrinking to fit through spaces
transforms into a dick 80% of the time.
he fucking challenged Putin
oh my god